My Heart Trying To Be Heard


For about four weeks now I have been experiencing some health issues…heart palpitations, heart fluttering, mild mini panic attacks...stress. I thought I fully understood the main reason for the symptoms... primarily, pushing too hard to get the business up and running and hitting my overdrive button one too many times, plus...the dark demon...fear of failure... but every time I addressed the cause...the symptoms remained...For 4 weeks I would tell myself, "If things don't clear up after you get some rest this weekend then it's off to the doctor."...then I wouldn't get enough rest and, of course, the symptoms wouldn't clear up and I'd jump into another crazy week get the picture.  Well, this weekend I was finally blessed with 3 full days of rest, quiet and rejuvenation. I even made some time for some much needed reading.


A few weeks back, in one of my Feng Shui moments, I was picking up my bedroom and tweaking the Feng Shui here and there when the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle caught my attention. I purchased the book more than 6 months ago but that day it called out to me. I pulled it off the shelf and very intentionally placed it on my dresser in the career/life path area, I then placed a ceramic green frog directly on top of it, again, with intention but at the time it wasn't clear to me why...and there it sat for at least 4 weeks...and finally... I started reading it on Friday night, then some more on Saturday night....aaaahhh! Such good stuff. The kind of stuff that smacks you across the face- and yells, WAKE UP!


We had some friends up Sunday afternoon and I was telling my friend Amanda about the heart symptoms and also, coincidently, about the book that had been sitting on my dresser for the last 4 weeks that I had now started to read...She put two and two together and asked, "Did the heart stuff start around the same time as when you first placed the book on your dresser?"...Huh? Maybe? Definitely could have, it's about the same amount of time, about a month ago...Interesting.


Monday morning I woke up and grabbed my journal (thank you three day weekend!), I asked my heart, which seemed to be calming down a bit, why it's been so stressed? What am I doing that has caused so much concern, so much stress, so much angst and so much overwhelm? It told me simply, "You've misunderstood....

I trust that you can make this business work, it's not that...The misunderstanding is that you've, yet again neglected yourself and you continue to neglect the much needed DOWN TIME required to stay in touch with the heart of this haven't made time to connect.  You've been so busy, so lost in getting the business up and running, all the nuts and bolts and logistics, that you have lost temporary touch with what you are doing. The creative spark that flowed through you so effortlessly even a few months ago has been seriously diminished... You keep taking and taking but you don't fill it back up."


I knew it was happening but I felt powerless against it. I'd forgotten that, of course, I have the power to do whatever I need, but I just let it slip, trying to please all of the outside forces and giving nothing back to myself, always last on the list.


Now, you remember that little frog I very intentionally placed on top of the book about four weeks back? Just out of curiosity I looked up frog symbolism online. It means spiritual evolution. Here's a caption from what I found online. "Frog symbolism represents awakening you're beautiful authentic truth. Now that you are awakening, frog spirit animal teaches the most mystical and divine lesson that the real value is the value of what is within… You have been brought up in a world that does not yet understand or embrace be spiritual truths, but you are getting a glimpse of this from your innermost eternal self, and you want to know more… You are yearning to know and become the innermost being that you know you are, connected to something deep and eternal… Living a life on purpose, a life where you are tapped into your true purpose, living your own beautiful authentic truth."


Whoa, mama! So, my subconscious was clearly onto something deep and necessary....I must stay connected or this is all for not.


The book "The power of NOW", is focused on being present and quieting the chatter of your "mind" so that you can tap into the creative powers of the universal spirit...Staying focused on THIS moment, not looking to the past or the future but staying here in the NOW. Being able to stop the nonsensical chatter of the mind is the key to tapping into your creative being and understand who you truly are at your core. The NOW is the only place to fully find your authentic self. If you don't make the time to quiet the chatter of your mind you can never fully be free.  


And then it was clear....I understood what I needed to do, I did it, and I'm doing it... and guess what? Symptoms GONE! Just like that, no more heart palpitations...My heart has been heard.  



Jen Heilman

Feng Shui Transitional Coach

Get your Shway on!